


Language of Fools

by findaffodils



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxious Thoughts, Background characters - Freeform, Drinking Habit, Inconsistent pov, Inspired by Music, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Non-Linear Narrative, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Slightly Shirabu Centric, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/findaffodils/pseuds/findaffodils
Summary: Tired of hearing news of his boyfriend from other people's lips, Shirabu Kenjirou develops a routine of going on a drinking spree once a month.For SemiShira Week 2020, Day 7Prompt: Free Day
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 68
Collections: Semishira Week 2020





	Language of Fools

**Author's Note:**

> Late entry for SemiShira Week 2020.  
> The plot's been with me for months, but I've been procrastinating on this one. I realized I write slow when I sat down to work on it on the fifth day of the event. Hence, why I am offering it days after it finished.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

Aside from the weird hairstyle he never changed, Shirabu Kenjirou is known for being a light drinker. He knows this himself and makes it his personal goal to stay as far as possible from any gatherings that involve alcohol.

So, imagine his best friend’s surprise when one day he says: “Taichi, I know a good bar somewhere around the university. Will you come drink with me?”

“Come again?” is Taichi’s only reply, not believing his ears when he hears what Kenjirou asked.

Kenjirou turns his swivel chair around to face his best friend and roommate who had just gotten out from their room’s bathroom.

“I’m asking if you want to come drink with me.”

“You  _ don’t _ drink, Kenjirou,” Taichi says.

“I do,” Kenjirou presses. “Moderately.”

“Are you sure this is not the stress from your readings talking?”

“Partly,” he shrugs. “I just want to experience a normal life as a university student. I know people see me as if the only things I know to do is study.”

“Huh? Kenjirou, you don’t have to prove people wrong.”

“I also want to drink, Taichi. I think it’d help me get my mind off things for a while.”

Taichi looks at Kenjirou, confused.  _ Get his mind off things for a while? What does that mean? _ He thinks. He traces back what’s been happening with Kenjirou since the term started and notices something different than the last.

“Hey, Kenjirou, why haven’t Semi visited yet?”

Silence.

Kenjirou sighs, pushes his chair, and turns, back facing Taichi.

“It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. I know you have exams. We can drink when you’re free.”

_ Huh? _

  
  


_ ♫ Better Drugs by Little Hurt ♫ _

  
  


When Shirabu Kenjirou says he only drinks moderately, what he means is that he drinks once every month and not weekly unlike some of his schoolmates.

“Shirabu Kenjirou, I swear to the heavens, pick your phone up,” Taichi paces back and forth in their room.

He glances at the clock that reads 23:47 and sighs.

The moment the door opens, he rushes towards it, greeted by the sight of his best friend with his arms around two other people.

“We tried to stop him, but he just keeps on asking for more,” one says as Taichi invites them in.

“It was good at first, until he suddenly asked for a stronger one,” the other explains.

Taichi sighs, looking at the drunken state of his best friend who could barely stand on his own.

“Thanks for taking him home.”

“I don’t know if this helps, but he keeps mentioning something about barely holding on. I’m not sure if it’s regarding academics though.”

Sadly, Taichi smiles at them and says another round of gratitude before seeing them out.

He walks back to Kenjirou and nudges him awake.

“Come on, you have to change clothes.”

Kenjirou curls in his bed. Still fast asleep, Taichi could do nothing but drape a blanket over.

“You know it’s not healthy to keep drinking until your legs give up, Kenjirou,” he scolds. “It would be easier if you just tell me what the problem is instead of keeping it to yourself.”

Standing up, Taichi treads back to his side of the room.

His phone starts to ring. He glances at the caller before answering it with a sigh.

“How many times have you sighed this day?” the person on the other line asks.

“Honestly? I’ve lost count.”

“Is the prodigal son back yet?”

“He is.”

“And?”

“He came back drunk, barely standing on his own. Two of his classmates, I guess, dropped him off,” he says as he sits on his bed. “He’s sleeping now, so I think it’d be impossible to ask him about it. Any news on Semi?”

The other line hums. “I wish I could tell you something, but you know he doesn’t have any social media account and I don’t think my messages are going through. Don’t worry, when I get hold of him, you’d be the first to know.”

“Thanks, Tendou-san.”

He ends the call, falling back. Taichi runs his fingers in his head.

_ What happened to both of you? _ He asks in his mind as he reminisces about the time when they were in high school and the two were almost insufferably, annoyingly against each other.

  
  


_ ♫ I Found You by Andy Grammer ♫ _

  
  


Semi Eita was absent when the first years introduced themselves to the team. Nonetheless, this did not stop the new recruits from being closer to him than the rest of the older players.

He was always calm and encouraging; less chaotic than the others. That does not mean he doesn’t know when to have fun, because he does. The gym would be filled with nothing but guitar strums with his voice echoing – as if there was a mini concert happening.

It was during one of his mini concerts when they first met. Their soon-to-be captain, Ushijima Wakatoshi called Eita down from his makeshift stage to greet the younger players.

“Hey, did you cut your hair on your own or does your hairstylist just suck?” was the first sentence Eita uttered to Kenjirou. It was that moment when the younger setter knew he’d be a pain in his ass.

True to his first impression, the two setters never got along. They were both civil on court and during practice, but after those hours, there’s no saying when their bantering ends.

Some passed it as Eita being his usual nagging self. Since he’s more observant than the rest of the team, he’d always notice when things are off and remind them to take care of themselves. For Kenjirou, however, Eita was just someone who loves to stick his nose at everything.

“Shirabu, I saw you hesitate in that last toss!” Eita said as soon as their practice ended.

“Don’t worry, Semi-san, I’ll make sure I won’t hesitate next time,” Kenjirou replied, wiping off the sweat from his forehead.

“You know what happens if setters have even the slightest doubt of their abilities, right?”

“I do.”

“If you have any problem, you can always approach me. I’m your senior for a reason,” Eita said. “You don’t have to be afraid of asking for some help. The team won’t throw you off just because you did.”

“Semi-san, can you shut up for a minute?” Kenjirou interjected. “I can’t replay the last play in my head with your constant nagging.”

“Oh, so you focus on my voice more than anything?” Eita said, smirking at the younger. “I didn’t know I had this effect on you Shirabu.”

Kenjirou gave him the stinky eye. “Whatever you’re thinking of, I swear it’s far from that.”

“Oh? What am I thinking of then?”

“If you’re thinking of anything other than me hearing your annoying voice, then you’re wrong.”

“What are you being so defensive for?”

“I’m not?”

“Was that a statement or a question?”

“A statement.”

“Didn’t sound like one,” Eita said, pouting his lips.

“Were you born to annoy the hell out of me?” Kenjirou said, annoyed.

Eita puts his chin between his index and thumb, pretending to think before saying, “You were born a year later than me. So, I think it’s the other way around?”

Kenjirou groaned, squinting his eyes at Eita before stomping his feet away from the older.

“You should limit the times you tease Shirabu, Eita,” Tendou Satori, who was near the two as they exchanged remarks, said.

Eita only laughed. “Don’t you love seeing him all riled up?”

Satori shook his head. “Only you could find that amusing, Eita.”

“He looks like a growling bunny.”

The middle blocker tilted his head at Eita’s amused form whose eyes were still following Kenjirou. “You actually like him, don’t you?”

“Of course, I do. He’s a skilled setter after all.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Satori said, throwing Eita a towel. “You’ve been eyeing him for minutes now and forgot to dry yourself off. You always find a way to talk to him, though it always ends up with you annoying the hell out of him. And, you’re extra observant when it comes to Shirabu.”

“Ha?” Eita choked, peeking from the towel. “No, I’m not.”

Satori grinned. “Whatever you say, Semi,” he said in a sing-song voice.

One time in their second year, Kenjirou went to school with a cold. Eita noticed the moment he stepped out of the dorm with him.

“You’re coughing,” Eita pointed.

Kenjirou coughed before answering, “Thanks for stating the obvious.”

The ash blonde blocked his path, and although Kenjirou walked the other way, Eita always made sure he would be there blocking it too.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to practice with a cold later?”

“I bought medicine with me. It’ll be gone later today.”

“You’ve been coughing since last night, haven’t you?”

“Semi-san, I’m fine,” Kenjirou huffed. “It’s not that serious, okay?”

“I’m telling Ushijima.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“You’ll only miss one practice, Shirabu,” Eita stated. “It’s not like they’re going to replace you just because you did.”

Eita did indeed relay to Wakatoshi that Kenjirou would be unable to join them for practice that day. Kenjirou was no way pleased that the older did so. But as he wrapped himself in thick blankets with kool fever in his forehead, he was slightly thankful for Eita’s quick thinking, letting him off practice.

“See? I predicted this would happen,” Eita said, sitting opposite Kenjirou as he laid down the medicine with a glass of water on his bedside table.

Too weak to rebut Eita’s statement, Kenjirou curled under the blankets and raised it higher.

“You still cold?” Eita asked, making his way towards Kenjirou’s bed.

He placed a hand on his cheek and compared the younger’s temperature with his. Kenjirou wasn’t sure if it was the sickness, but he felt it rise even higher.

_ Warm. _ He thought.  _ Comforting. _

“Kawanishi’s probably already on his way from the kitchen. Satori cooked some soup for you to digest.”

Kenjirou could only hum in response.

“Do you want me to bring extra blankets from our room to keep you warm?” Eita leaned forward, almost engulfing Kenjirou in an embrace as he made out what he was trying to say.

“Stay,” Kenjirou’s weak voice managed to say.

Eita’s worried gaze softened hearing these words come from Kenjirou. He found himself absentmindedly caressing his copper hair. Kenjirou scooted closer to Eita’s warmth. He wasn’t sure if the younger knew what he was doing; the gesture made his heart skip.

Unknowingly, the two had an audience by the slightly ajar door. Taichi and Satori had been standing there for minutes. It was the former who called for Eita just after practice when he went back to their room to find Kenjirou heating up. He said his best friend might not be able to attend practice the day after and didn’t expect to hear the older say, “Wait for me, I’m coming up.”

Satori was with the ash blonde all the way back to the dorms. Seeing him frantic amused the redhead. Of course, he was their team’s go-to person to inform them of absences and sickness being the acknowledged team secretary. But he wasn’t like this with the rest of the team when they got sick.

“Ne, Taichi,” Satori started. “Do you think we should leave them alone for a moment?”

Thinking the same, Taichi nodded and texted a quick message to Semi saying they left the food in their floor’s common room and that he had to attend to urgent requirements for class that would make him come up the dorms late. Kenjirou would have been alone in the room, but looking back at the two, he doubts that would be the case for a couple more hours.

Kenjirou woke up feeling something move beside him. His usual strength has yet come back, but he wasn’t as weak as earlier. As soon as he made sense of his surroundings, he looked for the source of the movement.

Turning his around, he saw Eita’s sleeping form – head lying on his folded arm and his free hand just within his reach. Slowly, he twisted his body to prevent himself from waking his senior.

_ Relaxed brows _ was the first thought that crossed his mind as he observed Eita still sound asleep. Mimicking the ash blonde, Kenjirou slowly pulled his arms up and folded it as a makeshift pillow. His free hand almost reached Eita until the older mumbled.

Pausing midway, Kenjirou released a sigh of relief. When he assured Eita was nowhere near waking up, he resumed moving, tracing Eita’s face in the air. Having his brows creased were a normal occurrence during practice that the moment he found him at ease did wonders to his heart.  _ Perfect _ , he thought as he hovered his hand lightly above his nose. He found himself scooting closer to Eita.

As sleep was about to take over, he felt arms wrapping around him in a comfortable embrace. He squinted his eyes checking if the older was still asleep. Hazel met smiling chocolate eyes.

“Hey?” Eita sheepishly said, pulling his arms back as if hugging Kenjirou was supposed to be a secret. “Thought you were still asleep.”

“And you hugged me because you thought I was?” Kenjirou remarked, amused by his poor excuse.

“Uh, are you feeling better?” Eita said, attempting to change the topic.

Shaking his head, Kenjirou did what seemed to be impossible and out of the world. He inched closer to Eita’s body and wrapped his own arms around his waist.

Flushed, the copper attempted to hide his face by angling it down, the top of his skull comfortably placed on Eita’s chest.  _ What are you doing Kenjirou?  _ He internally scolded himself.  _ You’ve got to be the most stupid sick person ever. _

“I’m making you catch my sickness,” came Kenjirou's attempt to explain what he did while still having his arms wrapped around the senior.

Eita laughed. It took him a moment to process what just transpired, and when it already did, he returned Kenjirou’s hug with his own.

“You must hate me that much to want to make me sick,” he teased, knowing well the younger was just embarrassed by initiating the hug.

“Shut up.”

Nobody talked about what happened that day. When Kenjirou came back to practice the next week, it was as if Taichi and some of the seniors hadn’t caught them in such a position.

“I’m passing my sickness to him!” Kenjirou defended which Eita simultaneously said “I just wanted to hug him.”

Kenjirou heard him, of course. Despite the voices overlapping, he heard Eita loud and clear.

Even months later, he still had his mind over what Eita said. His head ached thinking whatever it could possibly mean as Taichi offered him some light saying the older only left his side to bring their food inside the room when he was sick. He could barely remember what happened, but it was enough waking up with Eita by his side to confirm his friend’s claims.

“Do you think he likes me?” Kenjirou asked Taichi after the seniors had shown themselves out of the room after teasing the beet red ash blonde setter.

“I know  _ you _ like him,” Taichi pointed. “And from the way he acted when I called to say you were sick, I guess he does too?”

“But he’s like that with the rest of the team,” he replied.

“He never stayed with me throughout the night when I was sick,” Taichi replied. “I’m pretty sure he would stay with us until we take our medicine and that’s just it.”

Taichi clicked his tongue before flicking Kenjirou’s forehead.

“You’re a smart kid, but I swear you could be really dumb sometimes,” he said. “They’re graduating in a month, aren’t you going to do something?”

Squinting his eyes, Kenjirou looked at his best friend confused.

“Do something?” he repeated which only made Taichi sigh.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” he mused. “Are you not going to confess to him how you helplessly fell in love at first sight the moment you entered the gym with him on his makeshift stage? And that you got annoyed with the first words he told you which started your internal challenge of outwitting each other?”

“What?” Kenjirou exclaimed, almost jumping off his seat.

“You can’t kid me, Kenjirou. We’ve been best friends since childhood and I know you when you see something interesting and challenging at the same time.”

“Interest was what made you come to Shiratorizawa in the first place,” Taichi continued. “But then, I remember you told me last year you’d quit volleyball after the first try-out because you weren’t confident you’d get in and your parents wanted you to focus on your studies. The day Semi-san introduced himself was supposed to be the day you’d inform the adviser of your case, but when you met him, I think your mind malfunctioned and somehow forgot why you came to the gym that very day.”

Kenjirou gaped.  _ How in the world does he–? _

“The thought of leaving the team never crossed your mind again, has it?”

His best friend was still silent. Taichi thought he broke him, or something.

“You always wanted to see Semi-san,” Taichi pressed on as if Kenjirou’s mind had yet overloaded with information he kept on throwing. “I know you still doubt yourself when it comes to volleyball sometimes, but hearing him point out your mistakes actually comforts you in a way because you know he’s watching.”

“Taichi, stop talking,” Kenjirou sneered at his best friend, looking at him wide-eyed, hushing as he noticed a movement from the pillar on the other side of the sliding door.

“Oh? You don’t want me pointing out how helplessly in love you are with Semi Eita?”

A pin drop silence echoed through the small dorm pantry as the door opened. Taichi had openly discussed Kenjirou’s situation thinking they had the place to themselves because the seniors were busy with their college admissions.

“Tell me more, Kawanishi,” came Eita’s amused voice as he placed a hand on shoulder.

“Uh…” Taichi trailed.

Satori invited himself in, suppressing a grin, pulling Taichi up, and gesturing for the younger middle blocker to give the two time to talk.

  
  


_ ♫ We Found Love by Rihanna ft Calvin Harris ♫ _

  
  


Silence.

As soon as the two left, Eita took Taichi’s seat across Kenjirou who looked like the tip of his fingernails were the most interesting thing he saw his whole life.

Eita knocked a finger in front of Kenjirou, and he has yet moved.

_ I’m going to murder Taichi for rambling all those shits. I’m going to murder Taichi. I swear, I no longer have a friend named Taichi Kawani– _

“Don’t go planning Kawanishi’s murder when I’m in front of you Shirabu,” Eita cut Kenjirou’s thinking.

“I can explain,” Kenjirou hurriedly replied.

Eita resisted the urge to chuckle.  _ How cute. _

“Explain?” he asked.

“Okay, so I don’t know how long you’ve been at the door but I… Uh, I swear–” Kenjirou started to ramble. Eita could not hold it in anymore, he snickered at the sight of Kenjirou’s distress.

“I like you, Shirabu Kenjirou.”

Kenjirou gaped. “You do?”

Eita had his face supported by his palm as he rested his elbows on the table. His other hand reached out to Kenjirou’s hands which was about to get a glass from the corner.

“I do.”

What the two didn’t know at that time was that Satori and Taichi were just outside. They high-fived each other, successfully matchmaking the two for about a year.

The third years’ graduation came. Eita and Kenjirou agreed to meet after the ceremony in the gym where they practice. It would be empty for the day as there was no training in honor of their seniors.

“Kenjirou!” Eita exclaimed, running excitedly towards the younger.

The moment he reached him he engulfed the copper-haired in a tight hug.

“Congratulations Eita,” he said, as his chin rests in one of the ash blonde’s shoulders.

“I’d like to give you something,” Eita said, breaking the hug.

He positioned Kenjirou an arm’s length away.

“We’ll be two hours away from each other in two months,” he started. “I want to give you something you can remember me by.”

Fishing a small box from his wallet, Kenjirou gasped.

“I will have to turn you down if you’re going to propose, Eita,” he said, which earned him a laugh from the older.

“Stupid, I’m not going to propose,” he replied. “At least not yet. Unless you want me to?”

“No!” Kenjirou exclaimed. “I mean, we’ve only been together for a month.”

Eita extended his arms, taking Kenjirou’s hands to his.

“It’s only been a month, huh?” he said, sliding in something to the younger’s wrist. “It felt like we’ve been together for years.”

Kenjirou stared down. “It’s your–”

“Yeah,” Eita cut him off. He showed his uniform. “The second button, as a reminder that no matter how far apart we are from each other, you will always have me.”

The year after that, at Kenjirou's own graduation ceremony, he also gave Eita the second button of his uniform. Instead of a bracelet, however, he made it into a necklace.

“There,” the copper-haired said, as he clasped the necklace lock. “I’m not sure if bracelets can be disturbing when you play. It’s a symbol of our promise. No matter how far apart, we’ll always have a piece of each other.”

Eita wrapped his hands around Kenjirou. Foreheads against each other in the same gymnasium as when they met.

“I’m never taking it off.”

  
  


_ ♫ Let Me Down Slow by New Hope Club ♫ _

  
  


Taichi looks back at Shirabu’s side of the room.

_ Whatever it is, I hope you two work it out. _ He thinks as he surrenders himself to a much-needed slumber.

The semester goes with Kenjirou still deep into his monthly drinking routine. Term break happens, which means they get to go home. For the two, as their homes were already around the region, it means not lodging in the dorms – which for Taichi, would have been a rest from his self-imposed responsibility of taking care of his best friend, but that is not the case.

He huffs, adjusting Kenjirou at his back as he stands in front of their gate.

When he gets a call from Kenjirou at two in the morning, he expects it to be good news – like the list of dean's listers posted earlier than expected, or a celebration-worthy discovery in his own field of study. He rarely stays up past midnight, even with mountains of requirements to accomplish or going out to drink with his schoolmates.

_ Looks like it's a different time zone when you don't have classes to worry. _ He thinks.

Kenjirou's younger brother opens for them and shakes his head in disappointment. His brother never neglects his studies, but it disappoints him to see how he's been doing so with his health.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Taichi," Kenjirou's brother says as his brother's best friend lays him on his bed.

"It's okay," he replies. "But he never stayed outside past midnight even at school. Did something happen?"

He fidgets his fingers, contemplating whether he should tell Taichi what happened.

"It's okay if you can't tell me, though," Taichi reassures the younger Shirabu.

As soon as they leave Kenjirou’s room, and he is about to leave the house he says: “We were watching this late-night talk show. I didn’t know Semi-san would be the guest for tonight’s episode.”

Taichi takes a step back. “And?”

“I wasn’t focusing much on the interview because I was doing my homework, but as soon as it finished, Ni-san stormed off telling mom and dad he’d be out with friends.”

He offers the younger a smile. “Thank you, Kenzou.”

“Did something happen with them?” he asks.

“He never told me anything, but my guess is that, something did.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, they’ll get through whatever this is together!” he optimistically replies.

Kenzou smiles. “I know they will!”

On his way home, Taichi dials the number he’s been so acquainted with for the past year.

“Taichi!” the voice on the other line exclaims. “I was just about to call you. I know someone who’s still in contact with Eita.”

“He went out drinking again, Tendou-san,” Taichi says, unable to understand what his senior had just said. “I just dropped him off his house.”

He hears a sigh from the other side.

“Is it bad?”

“His brother says they were watching a talk show with Semi-san on it.”

“Right. I was also just about to call you because Hayato said he just watched Semi’s interview.”

“And?”

“It might just be a presumption but,” Satori trailed. “I think they broke up.”

Semi Eita’s first live interview since his name became well-known in the music industry a year ago happened after the announcement of his first album in works.

“Thank you so much for replying to our invitation.”

He flashes them his perfectly practiced smile. “It was a pleasure being on your show Sugawara-san.”

“Nonsense,” the host says. “Being Semi Eita’s chosen program for his first live interview is an honor to our show.”

It is known all around that aside from part of the rare artists who are not on any social media sites, singer Semi Eita does not do live interviews. For him, it’s the sense of not knowing whether an interviewer would ask a follow-up question not written on script.

His management strictly follows protocol and Eita is one of those who struggled with it at the beginning.

“Oh, before I forget Semi-san,” the host, Sugawara Koushi begins. “I may not know you that well, but my instincts tell me there’s a reason why you hesitated on the last question and settled with telling a lie.”

Eita is just about to open his dressing room when Koushi says this. He stops in his tracks and swiftly turns his head towards the host’s direction.

“And based on your reaction, I’d say I’m telling the truth.”

Breathing out, Eita replies with “You’ve got a great eye, Sugawara-san.”

Koushi smiles at him in understanding. “It’s because I’ve seen those eyes in myself when I first started in the industry. It might have gone in a flash but I saw it,” he says, leaning towards Eita’s ears and continues in a hushed voice. “It was the look of someone who’s left with no choice but to be far from someone dear to them.”

Eita’s eyes widened. His heart clenches as he hears the next words Koushi relays.

“I just hope whoever that is for you, watched the show knowing well the situation you are in.”

_ He doesn’t. _

“Because if they don’t, consider your relationship dented.”

Koushi leaves after saying “have a good night”. He leaves Eita standing in the hallway outside the dressing room, hands gripping the knob.

A hand clasps on his shoulder.

“You did a good job,” his manager says. “It was necessary to keep the favor of the management. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

_ But I never told him. _ He mentally groans, frustrated at himself.

It happened more than a year ago. Eita was slowly making his name known by taking in weekly gigs at the local bar around their university. As a student, he did not want to burden his parents by asking for extra allowance just so he could go back and forth from his area to where Kenjirou was.

They did not achieve the plan to enroll in the same university. Kenjirou’s parents discussed how they were keeping a tight budget with two of his younger siblings about to enter high school. Kenjirou was a smart kid, he could enter with a scholarship but something happened on the day of the college exams. They rushed his grandmother because of a sudden heart attack. The bills piled up and fulfilling their goal was the least of his priorities. It would just add to their expenses as he would have to consider housing and food aside from university fees.

The two made it work somehow. Eita was already in second year college while Kenjirou had just started his. Either of the two had to travel two hours to get to the other.

Everything went smoothly for a semester.

With Semi starting his music career and Shirabu taking a heavy program, time was becoming a luxury they couldn’t afford.

“Is everything okay, Eita?” Kenjirou asked one time through the screen.

They were supposed to meet that weekend, but Eita had just gotten a call from an entertainment agency day prior. He excitedly shared the news with his boyfriend the moment they hung up and earlier was his contract briefing.

Eita gave his best smile. “Yes, love. Don’t worry.”

Although unconvinced, Kenjirou did not push the topic any longer.

“Well, how did it go?” He tried to change the topic.

“I think it went well?” Eita said, unsure. His mind was still somewhere – on the words written on a piece of paper.

“Are you going to accept the offer or –?”

He thought about it the whole way going back to his apartment. “What do you think, love? Should I?”

Caught off-guard by the question, Kenjirou took a moment to answer.

“Are you really asking me that?” he managed to say. “Of course, I’d say go for it! You’ve been waiting for the opportunity to have your voice heard by many. It’s your dream, remember?”

“It is, isn’t it?” Eita chuckled.

“It is!” Kenjirou exclaimed. “Why are you hesitating? I thought you were already going to sign with them earlier. I’m actually more surprised you didn’t.”

Silence.

“What if it would cost me something?” Eita asked.  _ What if it would cost me our relationship? _

“Everything in life’s a sacrificial journey, Eita. If there’s something people want to achieve, it will always cost them something.” Kenjirou said. “Are they asking you for an entry fee? Or a membership fee? I don’t know how it works, but if they’re asking for money you can tell them you’ll pay once your name is already on top charts under their company.”

Eita laughed, genuinely this time.  _ Cute. _

“Thank god you laughed!” Kenjirou sighed in relief. “I could feel you really down when I answered your call so it must be something like that, yeah?”

“Time,” Eita said. “They want my time.”

Silence.

“Oh, what’s the problem then?”

“Love, I barely have time for y–”

Kenjirou cut him off. “I’ll always be here Eita. Even when we only talk for a minute a day, or once a week, I’m still here.”

_ They’d also prefer it if I’m not in a relationship. _

“Just sign with them for goodness sake! You were waiting for their call since you auditioned, remember? I was there. I believed you could get in because that’s how great you were.”

“K-Kenjirou giving me a c-c-compliment?” Eita pretended to stammer.

“Shut up, Eita,” his boyfriend said, rolling his eyes. “If you’re worried about me, well, if you don’t go partying and tell people you’re single while I’m your boyfriend without reason, we’re good. And don’t forget to tell me how your training is going. I don’t care how incoherent these updates may be, I just have to know you’re alive and surviving the path towards your dream to be a famous musician.”

Eita looked at his screen. Wondered how he got so lucky with Kenjirou as his boyfriend.

“I promise.”

“Don’t you dare ghost me!”

They laughed. It was impossible for Eita to do such a thing. He cherished Kenjirou with all his heart. Also, he was clingier than the younger.

“I would never.”

  
  


_ ♫ Why by Secondhand Serenade ♫ _

  
  


Turns out, Eita is capable of ghosting Kenjirou.

Three months after he signed with the company, Kenjirou’s calls never made it through. Eita never reads his messages nor sends him one. Without a way of contacting his boyfriend, Kenjirou thinks of ways to stop himself from overthinking.

He tries to drown himself in academics, but fails. He joins organizations to keep himself busy, but it only makes him hear Eita’s name everywhere.

Semi Eita, the name of a rising star who gradually introduces himself by guesting in well-known artists’ concerts. It is a ladder only a few were given the opportunity to climb, but Eita had it presented to him. Soon enough, he becomes the artist known for not being on the Internet even with a growing fanbase.

Kenjirou hears news of Semi Eita in organization meetings, when the women gush about how soothing his voice was, or how they loved his mysterious vibe. As his boyfriend, it makes anxiety creep inside his mind.

Whenever a new song under Semi Eita’s name comes up, he thinks:  _ Shouldn’t I be one of the first people to know about it? _ When his management announces his concert guesting overseas, he asks himself:  _ Where are you going next, Eita? Are you eating well? Sleeping well? _ Every time they publicize his health conditions, Kenjirou could not stop himself from worrying if his boyfriend takes care of himself. Even if he tries, he just couldn’t.

Until these worries become doubts.  _ Am I still important in your life, Eita? Do you worry about me? _ And whenever he’s sick it becomes thoughts of longing.  _ I miss you, Eita. Come home.  _ There are also times when it goes as far as questioning his loyalty.

_ Do you still love me? _

Of course, Kenjirou shakes these thoughts as soon as they come. It is Eita’s dream after all. He would never do it without an explanation. And so, he waits.

He waits until he feels the ideas eating him up. He is restless. His concentration dwindles as he hears his name come up in conversations, so he lessens any possible interaction with it. He bans himself from searching up his name on the Internet.

The last he saw Eita was a close-up photo of him in one of his concerts guesting just before their midterms start. Instinctively, he zooms in his neck, hoping he could find the symbol of their promised future.  _ It’s not there. _ He notices. It was the day he first brought up drinking with Taichi.

It helps. Drinking helps him forget for a while. He realizes how it removes his anxieties for a moment. That's why he continued to do it.

Eita knows.

Satori expresses to Wakatoshi how much he worries for Kenjirou. As the only person who knows his situation, Wakatoshi tells him about it – not to make him suffer as he already is, but to let him know that Kenjirou’s waiting. As he always will be.

He arrives in his apartment past three in the morning. For the first time in months, he switches his personal phone on. Notifications from Wakatoshi greets him.

**[ Wakatoshi ]**

Kawanishi called Satori. He said he saw your interview.   
— 2:13 AM

I know you said you’re waiting for your contract to end, but can you at least message Kenjirou?   
— 2:13 AM

Can you two at least talk about it?   
— 2:15 AM

I can offer my apartment so your management won’t know you met with him.   
— 2:17 AM

Sighing, Eita puts his phone down and runs his fingers through his hair. He is steps away from his phone when it dings.

**[ From:** **♡ ; 3:01 AM ]** **  
** I miss you, Eita.

  
  


_ ♫ Grow As We Go by Ben Platt ♫ _

  
  


Eita feels needles pinch through his skin as he reads the message through the locked screen. He wants to go to him. Hug him. Tell him he’s sorry for not saying anything. But with his current situation, he knows he could not just do that anywhere.

Working in the entertainment industry proves to be harder than he thought it would be.

_ What kind of life is this if you’re not here? _ He finds himself thinking.

Then he remembers Wakatoshi’s last message. “I can offer my apartment so your management won’t know you met with him” it says. As much as Eita doesn’t want to bother his friend, eight months of restraining himself from contacting Kenjirou is enough.

**[ To: Wakatoshi ; 3:57 AM ]**   
Is your apartment still open?

He waits for minutes before it dings and the notification reads “Anytime”.

A week before a new term starts, Kenjirou receives a text from his former captain. Wakatoshi invites his juniors to one of his games. He says there would also be a mini reunion afterwards.

“Are you ready?” Kenjirou asks Taichi as he puts on a brown jacket, ready to leave their dorm.

“Hold on,” Taichi replies, looking down at his phone.

“What is it?” the copper-haired asks, leaning in on Taichi to peak at his phone.

“Nothing,” his best friend replies, abruptly putting his phone back in his pocket. “Let’s go?”

Kenjirou shrugs. It is not as if he is curious with whatever is taking Taichi’s time.

The match is farther to their university, so the two had to catch an earlier transport. They arrive and decide to greet Wakatoshi in the player’s locker area. Kenjirou is about to knock, when suddenly, the door opens and a familiar face stands before him.

“Kenjirou,” the man breathes, dumbfounded.

Despite the layers of clothing he put on to disguise himself, Kenjirou recognizes him.

“Eita.”

Both stand frozen, not knowing what to say. Eita did not expect them to meet early. Although Kenjirou had a glimmer of hope that they would meet, he shrugs it off knowing it would be impossible.

But it isn’t.

_ He looks tired. _ Kenjirou thinks as he notices the bags under his eyes behind spectacles. His prominent ash blonde hair with dark tips tuck inside a cap. His lean frame hidden under thick layers of clothing.

_ Is this a dream? _ He pinches himself.  _ No, it isn’t. _

Then, suddenly, arms wrap themselves around him. It is warm. Comforting. Familiar. Kenjirou fights back the urge to cry as he returns the hug back at him.

“I missed you,” Eita says through their embrace.

Once they break off, Kenjirou still within arm's length, the ash blonde says: “Let’s talk?”

Kenjirou nods. He looks back at Taichi who gives him a small and hands over a cap.

“I’ll tell you how the game went.”

Eita momentarily turns around and tells Wakatoshi he’s going to his apartment. The younger did not hear the response as Eita intertwined his fingers around his, taking the cap and putting it on Kenjirou’s head.

They arrive at Wakatoshi’s unit half an hour later.

Kenjirou sits opposite Eita in the living room. “How have you been?” he asks.

The ash blonde inhales. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, looking down at his hand, avoiding Kenjirou’s gaze. “I understand if you want to break it off. I know I’ve been a neglectful boyfriend.”

The younger clicks his tongue and stands to move beside Eita. He takes the singer’s shaking hands in his. “I missed you,” he says, as brings them up his lips. “Tell me what happened, Eita.”

“You’re not mad?” Eita asks in a hushed voice.

“How could I be when you’re shaking under my gaze?” the copper-haired answers. “I was more hurt than mad. I could not bring myself to curse your name because I know you’ve always wanted to be where you are now. I can’t blame you for going months without contacting me if I could always hear your name everywhere I go.”

“But I want to know why,” Kenjirou continues. He laughs. “I told you not to ghost me.”

Tears start to form as Eita listens to Kenjirou. His heart clenches hearing the love of his life. 

“I thought maybe I was a distraction, or an obstacle to your path. Maybe it was a good thing you cut off our communication. It must have been hard for you to keep talking to me even though you were tired after practice. Not to mention, you have your studies to attend to,” Kenjirou says. “Would it hurt for you to tell me though?”

“I’m sorry” is all Eita could say.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t worry about you. But then, I know there are people looking after you since you are becoming a public figure. I thought maybe you were just busy. We went on days without talking to each other when you were still training. But then days became weeks, until it turned to months. I was just not sure anymore,” Kenjirou says, his hands gripping on Eita’s tightly. “But I wasn’t mad at you. I was madder at myself for thinking a lot of things. We promised each other, and I told you it was fine. I think it was the act of not knowing that makes me anxious. That’s why I want to know what happened, Eita. Everything from after you went to the contract briefing until when you disappeared.”

Kenjirou sits on the floor in front of Eita. Hands still clutching his as the ash blonde moves to join him. Eita, then, proceeds with telling him everything. Kenjirou patiently waits for him to finish, thumbs gliding over the older’s palms sometimes to soothe the trembling.

He narrates his own frustrations. How the management gets mad at him for showing up to practice with not enough sleep. They were strict with him. At the end of the day, he’s always too tired to even function and he doesn’t want to talk to Kenjirou with those lingering frustrations. Three months in training, they found out he had a boyfriend and advised him to break things off since the contract specifically says he should not have one.

“I got it. I was the first to breach the contract. But they said I was one of their most promising artists, they didn’t want to let me go. So, it’s either I break up with you or they make a rumor of me dating someone else from the industry,” Eita confesses. “I didn’t want to put you through that pain. You were busy with school so I figured it would be easier to act as if we’ve broken up than them releasing fake information to keep me on leash.”

“On the day I decided to do so, I was supposed to tell you,” he continues. “Believe me, I really was. But then, things got out of hand. I received an email from the management that they wrote my name as part of a line-up for a concert. The weekend when we were supposed to meet was the same day as the concert. At first, I hesitated. I wanted to refuse. I know that when I go, there’s no turning back. People would know my name and it would be hard for me to talk to you. But if I don’t go, I could already see the disappointment in your eyes knowing an opportunity presented itself for my taking and I didn’t take it to go to you. Both decisions weighed heavily, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. So, I attended the concert.”

“Why didn’t you contact me after then? We could always talk about it through the phone.”

Eita sighs. “They praised me for performing well in the concert. They wanted me to focus on the next leg so they had me surrender my personal phone to them. If emergencies arise, they could contact my family for that,” he says. “We agreed that I would get my phone back after I show up in a live interview by a well-known host to secure my name in the industry first.”

“The interview you just had…”

“The one with Sugawara Koushi. Wakatoshi says you watched it?”

“I did.”

“And that you got drunk afterwards.”

“I saw your pain,” Kenjirou says. “When you hesitated and said you weren’t in a relationship, I saw it in your eyes. You hate lying, and you were never good at that.”

Eita heartily laughs. “I figured. The host saw through me and gave me a short lecture.”

“And it was why you arranged for us to meet?”

“Ever so quick, aren’t you Kenjirou?”

“Eita,” Kenjirou says. “Between the two of us, you were always the slow one.”

The singer huffs at the younger’s teasing.

“You never change, Kenjirou.”

They laugh. The once chill air warms as the two stares at each other’s eyes. Eita’s chocolate eyes meet Kenjirou’s hazel ones. Out of instinct, Eita lifts his hand and reaches towards Kenjirou’s face. He leans.

“I’m sorry for the things I put you through,” Eita says, cupping Kenjirou’s face.

He smiles. “I’m still here, Eita.”

“I won’t blame you if you want to leave. My contract doesn’t end for another two years or so.”

Kenjirou pulls back, putting a small distance between them.

Once he sees Eita paying attention to his every movement, he folds one of the arms of his jacket upwards to reveal the bracelet with Eita’s second button from high school.

“I’ve always held on to the promise that no matter how far apart we are from each other, I’ll always have you with me,” he says, caressing the button with his fingers.

He looks up and sees Eita tearing up.

“You can cry if you want to, you know.”

Eita shakes his head. He lifts something from under his shirt. “And I’ll always have you,” he says.

Kenjirou scoots closer to Eita. Now sitting at his side, he leans his head on his shoulder.

“I saw a photo of you on the Internet,” he says, fiddling his fingers with Eita’s hand. “You weren’t wearing it.”

“Oh?”

Kenjirou hums. “It was the last time I saw you before the interview. I guess it was the last concert you showed up before they announced that you were preparing for your upcoming album?”

Eita looks down at Kenjirou and kisses his forehead. “I had it with me.”

“Nah, it was a close-up photo. I zoomed in.”

The ash blonde laughs. “You didn’t look at the side pocket of the shirt, did you?”

Perplexed, Kenjirou raises his head. “What?”

“If they don’t allow me to wear accessories, I always have it pinned on my clothes. I know you would keep track of what I’m doing so it was a way of telling you I haven’t forgotten.”

_ What? _

“Let me guess, you stopped when you saw that photo.” Eita says knowingly.

The copper-haired smiles sheepishly. “You got me.”

“So that means you also weren’t listening to my music.”

Eita ruffles Kenjirou’s hair when he doesn't answer. “I’ve been busy,” he murmurs as an excuse.

“You were drinking your liver dead,” the singer clicks his tongue. “I’m almost done with the album I’m working on.”

“That fast?” Kenjirou exclaims.

“I wrote our story,” Eita confesses. “What I felt during the months we weren’t together. What I think you were going through.”

“You’re releasing sad songs for your first album?” he gasps. “Don’t tell the media it’s our story.”

“They’re not all sad!” he says. “I also put the songs I wrote for you back in high school.”

“You’re becoming sappy,” Kenjirou shudders. “You said you were almost done?”

“Yeah,” Eita replies, pulling Kenjirou on his lap. “I just need this moment to conclude the final song.”

He hugs Kenjirou, his head perfectly fitting in the junction between his shoulder and head.

Kenjirou pats Semi’s back. “I’m not leaving, Eita.”

“I still have more than two years left in my contract,” Eita replies, engulfing Kenjirou in an embrace.

“We don’t have to leave each other to grow, Eita. You have your growing career, and I have my studies. Our worlds don’t just revolve around each other and we knew that from the start.” Kenjirou breathes, breaking away from the hug. “Do you want to go?”

“No.”

“Then no one has to leave. As long as we know we’ll always be with each other,” he says, tracing the necklace on Eita’s neck “We can grow as we go.”

Eita exhales. He smiles with tears in his eyes. He cups Kenjirou’s face.

“I love you.”

Kenjirou returns the gesture, resting his hands on his nape.

“And I love you.”

Eita pulls him in a kiss. It is tender. Soft. Careful.

“We were a bunch of fools, weren’t we?” Kenjirou says as Eita leans their foreheads together.

“I know I’m only a fool for you, Shirabu Kenjirou.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.  
> ヾ(≧▽≦*)o


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